When I told my father’s mother that I was going to get a PhD, she asked me to reconsider, pleading with me that no man would want to marry a woman smarter than himself. I politely told her not to worry and knew deep down that whether she was right or wrong, I still wanted to pursue my degree. I figured, “Well, I don’t want to marry a guy who can’t accept me the way I am.”
It looks like neither of us was entirely wrong. An Op-Ed piece in the NYTimes just reported on a study that looked at the changing attitudes of men when looking for a spouse. Back in her time, her advice was right. Men preferred to “marry down.”
The research findings also showed that current attitudes are consistent with my own (sample-size-of-one) personal experiences both when it came to my chances of marrying and marital satisfaction. In other words, I did find a guy who would marry me and I am happily married!
What I didn’t like about the article was the illustration that accompanied the article.
I get that what the images are supposed to portray the two extreme choices. But in its summarizing manner, it leaves us with a false dichotomy: one or the other. When I look at the images, I think, I am sort of both. I like to knit and bake but I also read.
Women today have lots of choices. Thankfully, we don’t have to settle for dichotomous choices; we have multiple options.
When I look at my daughters, attitudes and choices are likely to be even more diverse for them. I am not sure how. But I hope that I will remember not to give advice that apply to my situation but may be irrelevant to theirs.
Research aside, individual choices are probably best not made in the past or heavily influenced by family, peers, etc. but within the current unique context.
